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The Race!

Whilst Mentalist Dad accepts he is normally going to come last, Hero hasn't yet accepted that it is 'OK' not to always finish first.  Known for dishing out the aggression from previous occasions to attain that number 1 podium spot, the rest of the Clubflat Team already had it in for Hero from the start.  In the qualifiers Hero again claimed pole position on the grid and mockingly flicked the V's to the team as he drove past to take up position.  Eggergizer, Special K and Steroid followed immediately behind.  But the pressure to maintain first place for 80 laps proved too much for Hero.  Or rather the number of people trying to ram him off the track for 80 laps proved too much.  Perhaps it wasn't the best idea to flick the V's.  After approximately 5 laps, the trio directly behind had rammed Hero off the track, taking full advantage when he had to slow down for the hairpin by deliberately clipping his rear end.  Five karts then blazed past him.  Hero's face was a picture.  For the rest of the first 40 laps some epic battles pursued as Hero fought to regain position, notably with Special K and Steroid where the race became more like stock car racing than karting.  Quality.  Hero finally made it back to 2nd place to start behind Eggergizer for the second bout of 40 laps.  As the final half of the race got underway, a fierce battle was being waged in the middle of the pack between Guitar Hero, Face and Steroid, fighting it out for 3rd place.  Face and Steroid had both made podium finishes previously and weren't about to let it be taken without a fight.  Towards the back of the pack, Special K, The Guvna and Mentalist Dad were cruising along.  Special K thought it would be more fun to shake peoples hands as they overtook him rather than try to compete in the knackered kart he was given.  Mentalist Dad just tried to drive over everything thinking he was in one of his holiday hire jeeps and The Guvna simply didn't want to scratch his new paint job.  After a few Clubflat stickers were planted around the place, including on the marshal's, there was only one place to go in order to quench the thirst of 80 gruelling laps... The pub.

 

Look out for Clubflat stickers in the pics and scroll to the bottom of the page to see who finished in which position!

 

As the name suggests, keep the pedal to the metal

It really was pointless explaining the rules to The Clubflat Team

Guitar Hero made an early prediction that Hero would come second

Mentalist Dad came straight from his shift at Kwik Fit

The track glimmers like a sheet of ice

Beyond the Clubflat sticker is the perilously slippy ramp

Predicting Mentalist Dad would lose, the marshal cut him off the pic

Super Mario was racing today

Seven people were itching to trash Hero's pole position

The queue out of Sainsbury's was ridiculous

Special K will be in a kart that isn't blurred, i.e. the slowest moving one

Amazingly no-one has spun out for once coming down the ramp

Guitar Hero waves to his fans

After the first 40 laps, Eggergizer had taken Hero's lead

Face gasps for air after a fierce track battle with Steroid and Guitar Hero

In todays comedy kart was Chopper K

The Team have a good chuckle about smashing Hero off the track

The Clubflat Race Team, sponsored by Coca-Cola

Face plants a sticker and 'sugars up' his energy levels with a Yorkie bar

Guitar Hero gets distracted by some trackside totty

The Guvna hopes Special K's 'handlebars' will help him steer better

Crazy karting was remininscent of the Faliraki karts 'back in the day'

So who will make it first to the finish in the next 40 laps...

... Not Special K as he lobs the V's from his slow-mobile

Taking the corners tight was the key... to sliding down the ramp

It was a tight race in the middle of the pack

Chopper K didn't need a podium - just a faster kart

Full Throttle's marshal's will remember the day Clubflat came to play

The Team discussed who should own up to smashing into Hero

The Guvna gets ready to race off in his life-size go-kart

There was only one possible ending to a good day out

The only thing a 'second place' medal was good for

The Results!

1st Place Podium Finish: Eggergizer.  Eggergizer actually got the 4th fastest lap behind Hero, Guitar Hero and Face and wasn't overly aggressive towards others, but he still won the race.  He put his success down to the consistency of his lap times throughout and letting everyone else battle it out behind him.  Then we learned he had practised on the track the week before.  Clever.  Well he is Clubflat's Strategy Director.

2nd Place Podium Finish: Hero.  Having regained position to start behind Eggergizer for the second half of the race, the team tried to take him out again and although unsuccessful, it slowed Hero enough for Eggergizer to get ahead by a few bends.  With only 0.4 of a second in it comparing Hero's and Eggergizer's best lap times, it became impossible to catch Eggergizer up over the remaining laps.  Finishing second was equivalent to not taking part for Hero.  Well done lads.

3rd Place Podium Finish: Guitar Hero.  Guitar Hero's courageous mid-pack battles saw him move up the rankings to push out Face who normally makes a podium finish.  Then we learned he'd practised on the track the week before with Eggergizer.  "So long sucka's".

4th Place: Face.  Until now Face had consistently made a podium finish, but was clearly usurped by the fact Guitar Hero and Eggergizer had been on the track a week before getting the practice in.  "It's only temporary", insists Face.

5th place: Steroid.  Steroid has made a podium finish on a previous occasion, but with severely aching limbs from fighting the kart for 80 laps he decided to concentrate on a more pressing priority this time (see 'Quote of the day' below).

6th Place: The Guvna.  Podium finishes didn't matter to The Guvna, he just wanted to look cool as he cruised around the track with his boom boom box going, wide alloys looking slick, roof down, chilling, with his bitches in the back.

7th Place: Mentalist Dad.  Being the biggest bloke on the track, 7th place was a surprise.  Mentalist Dad normally expects to finish last but he still relishes every opportunity to go karting to refresh his mentalist driving skills for when he next hires a jeep out on a lads holiday.  As he famously once said in Faliraki... "Roads, where we're going, you don't need roads".

8th Place: Special K.  Surprisingly Special K came in last.  He managed a podium finish the last time round and was the one Hero thought he would most have to watch today.  But he got the 'bum' kart of the lot which went at a snails pace compared to the rest.  So instead he resigned himself to ramming Hero in the first lap which let Eggergizer take the lead.  But his lack of love for anyone in the lead became apparent when although having been lapped a few times already and clearly not in contention to win, he deliberately stopped Eggergizer from getting past him, almost allowing Hero to catch him up.  Good work.  Almost.

Least number of completed laps: 75.

Fastest lap time: Hero in 24.13 seconds.

Quote of the day:  Steroid says "I didn't care about winning.  [Points to Hero] I just wanted to ram that c**t off the track".