FACE (Clubflat nickname, founded in 2001)
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Real Name: Dean P
Position: Clubflat Entertainment Manager
Profile:
Face is a fine example of how people's thoughts are expressed on their faces. Normally people hide their thoughts from their facial expressions to avoid insulting or embarrassing other people, but not Face. Infamously known for pulling subtle faces at people while looking directly at them, he is an absolute marvel to observe. And hilariously, the victims of his gurning usually don't realise what he is doing, or are too freaked out to make a comment! Combined greatly with these facial powers of amusement, Face has one of the driest sense's of humour you'll come across, probably more so than D-Tox's. In the same way his victims don't realise he is gurning at them, Face's dry sense of humour also flies right over their heads, and can only be spotted by someone who knows him well. Along with his trained facial controls, people just don't realise he's actually taking the piss when he talks to them. Like the time some bird was bragging about being a model, and the quick talking Face jumps in with "Yeah? Really? I can tell, that's a nice coat you're wearing. Where'd you get it, C&A?". How we laughed, yet he still kept a serious and straight face as the girl, totally up her own arse and thinking he was genuinely interested replied "No, this is a Versace coat"! Best of all are Face's chatup lines. One minger in particular happened to fall victim to Face. She was wearing specs, had a huge unsightly mullet, and had teeth that would put bugs bunny to shame. Face moved in for the kill with an opening line of "Are you disabled?", to which she replied "No why?". "Well look at ya, with your big teeth and your big hair" said Face, putting on an expression that looked so serious and concerned that she didn’t even think to slap him one, she just simply walked off feeling confused about herself. Complementing his facial skills, Face is also a master at Michael Jackson style groovy dancing, which he does with such a concentrated look on his face that again people take him seriously when the rest of us are pissing ourselves. Finally, Face is also a genius with the excuses which enable him to drop out of holidays and nights out at the last minute. He has had more injuries, body part replacements, family illnesses, funerals, obligatory family meals, earthquakes, stolen vehicles and personal drama situations than Coronation Street and Eastender's put together. Yet his knack for controlling his facial expression means he somehow manages to get away with the excuses each time. He truly has to be witnessed to be believed, he's Clubflat's Face.
Face Says: "Soz mate, can’t make it tonight, my Nan's goldfish jumped out the bowl and got eaten by my aunt's dog so we've had to take it to the vet and have its stomach cut open. Its going to take 3 hours to stitch it up again, but my vans broken down so I’ll have to take the bus to get home which means my metal knee will need oiling from all the walking and I wont have time to come out. Saved the fish though, Aaaaah!".
Claim to Fame: "I once got mistaken for the guy out of the A-Team".
Other Aliases:
Deano - Err, no-one knows why Face is called this, ahem. Nickname founded at birth.
3PM - Stands for Parry Poo Pants Man. Face let rip one time, exclaiming that he'd followed through. As he turned around in his white trousers to check his behind in the mirror, he sure wasn't joking. Nickname founded in 2000.