Clubflat Phrase Glossary


Airstream - When someone farts and gradually one by one, people in the room smell it in a sequential order based on where they are sat, the aroma has been following a natural airstream route to escape, usually towards the window.

Ass No Questions The phrase used when you see some unbelievably fit punani ass. Taken from "As(s)k no questions, Tell no lies".

Beam Me Up Scotty - When you totally and utterly put your foot in it. You didn't mean to, you just did. And the more you say the worse it gets. Ahhhh shiit. There's nothing more you can do. Beam Me Up Scotty!

Bellmania When on holiday with Memphis and back in the hotel room after a late night drinking session, Memphis will often get his Bell out and go nuts.  No-one is safe.   Expect to open your eyes and find it hanging close by, or worse, receiving leg rubbage as Memphis jumps into your bed naked to punish you for being asleep.

Bellnotism The art of bellnotism.  You wake up briefly and open your eyes only to find Memphis' Bell hanging millimetres from your face, swinging slightly in a hypnotic manner.

Biff-Shake-Of-The-Head When one of your mates does something in public which borderlines on the fringe of hilarious and embarrassing, look down, put your hand to your brow and give your head a few shakes left and right. Technique invented by Biff-Edge, hence the name.

Bit of Elbow/The Elbow When a fit chick is passing by you in a crowded bar, or anywhere else for that matter, make sure you have your elbows protruding backwards as you hold your pint for a bit of elbow-on-breast action.

Breast Intentions The phrase used when you see an amazing pair. Taken from "Best Intentions".

Clubflatted When a place, establishment or person gets absolutely plastered all over in Clubflat Cards, usually without their knowledge.

Cowdog - The name given to the disgusting takeaway you get on the way home which you know contains all sorts of animals, but you eat anyway as it tastes exceptionally good when drunk.

Driving The Porcelain Bus - When after a drunken night out you're found asleep on the bathroom floor with your arms around the toilet as if driving it.

Elbow - See 'Bit of Elbow'.

Fartriloquy - When someone farts and the people sitting immediately next to that person do not smell the deed, but someone not as close to this person and not in the direct airstream magically does, this is the art of Fartriloquy.  Congratulations you've thrown your fart like a ventriloquist throws their voice.

Hair of The Dog - When you've drunk so much the night before you feel like death warmed up, starting the day with a beer is the only and best cure.

Hold The Phone You are standing there chatting on your mobile phone in your own little world, when suddenly the most amazing bit of totty walks by. You stop in mid-speech as the sight of the totty takes your breath away, your eye's nearly fall out, and with the intention of doing something about what you've just seen, you hand your phone to the nearest person exclaiming "Hold The Phone!".

Hook, Bell and Sinker - If you were conned into looking at Memphis' Bell, or you are a victim of Bellmania, it's true to say you fell for it, hook, bell and sinker.

Hynobell The name given to Memphis' Bell as it swings millimetres from your face like a pendulum as Bellnotism is performed.

Julies Chicks, Birds, Punani, Girls.

Kafarte - As you fart, raise your arm and simultaneously perform a karate hand chop, making the "haaa-yaa" noise, whilst at the same time stamping your foot on the ground in an attempt to hide the fact you're farting.

Look into the Eye - When Memphis is performing Bellnotism with his Hypnobell, as you back your head away from his swinging Bell he will whisper the words to you "Look into the eye, look into the eye, don't look around the eye, look into the eye.  3 - 2 - 1.... IT'S's IN!".

No Harm Done Refers to a having a good prod up a birds badge. Taken from "One up the bum, no harm done".

Memphasism The only way to get rid of all those disturbing images in your mind of Memphis' bell, and the only way for a hotel owner to purge the supernatural force left behind in the room from all the Bellmania that has taken place is to perform a memphasism.

MILF Mom I'd Like to F*ck.

Moobs Women have boobs. Men have moobs. Man Boobs.

Mum Towel When you come out of the shower with the towel around you riding high over your Man Boobs in the same fashion your Mum used to when you were a kid.

One-Time-Wear Shoes - When you completely filthy your shoes to the point of destruction after a crazy night out, particularly if they are white, brand new and the first time you wore them.

Paddington - Used to describe birds who wear big "Paddington Bear" wellies for shoes.

Palming it When a bird with a fit arse squeezes past you in a crowded bar, cup your hand behind you so you "palm" her arse as she brushes past. If you palm the front-bottom without a slap, you are God.

Phone-A-Friend Stick your mobile in your back pocket with vibrate set to max, then gently press your arse against some birds tight little pooper while your mate gives you that urgent phone call. What happens when she looks round is up to you...

Pie Chicks, Birds, Julies, Girls.

POP! POP! Roar this while performing the motion of slapping a birds arse doggy style when you see Puswani that you'd just love to have your way with.  To learn the motion, see the "Poppin' Hippo" on the Magaluf Pages.

Pranny Used to describe somebody who simply reminds you of a prat and a fanny at the same time.

Punani Chicks, Birds, Julies, Girls.

Puswani Another term used to describe chicks, women, punani.

Quaddies - Quadruple vodka and Red Bull.

Thats the Ticket - When something outrageously funny happens to someone, or when something right goes your way, shout this phrase!

Wani Shortened version of Puswani, sometimes used to point out congregating groups of totty e.g. "Look at the Wani over there!"

Wanilicious Point at the totty and scream this to your mates when you see an absolute hot piece of Wani!

Wha, cha, ya. Yeeeeuuurr - Said in short fast abrupt statements when something has shocked you and a mate at the same time. Both people snap this to each other, as if they are blaming each other.

Whooops! Pardon A sick gay-like saying you just have to say to embarrass your mates after letting rip with a fart in public. Should be said in a high pitched camp voice for full comical effect.

You wanna piece of me? You wanna pizza mate? You wanna put your piece in me? - On a night out, if somebody brushes past you accidentally, you shout the 1st question. If he confronts you, you ask the 2nd question (as if that is what you had just said). If he gets really confused, say the last question and run the hell off! Normally this is said all in one long sentence though.