Roy Schneider

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Clubflat went to Vilamoura, where the rich hang out, for an afternoon on a catamaran. Not the best of catamaran trips we've been on so we thought we'd liven it up. After the captain of the boat and his boat-hand (a Roy Schneider look-a-like from the Jaws movies) found the Clubflat cards that had been planted, Roy the boat-hand thought it would be funny to flick it overboard while smiling smugly at us. Bad idea. You just made it Clubflat's mission to plant as many Clubflat cards as possible around your boat. We put them everywhere, from on the boat charter clipboard, in the crisps, behind the bar, in the toilets, everywhere. Every time Roy found one, he would throw it, but it immediately got replaced. Roy also tried his utmost at not having his picture taken and was quite cagey about it for some reason, even threatening to throw a bucket of water over Hero and his camera. International terrorist we think. But the warnings went unheard and after 3 hours of persistence, he caved in, stuck the Clubflat card to his chest and smiled for the camera! He then even tried to get the third member of the crew, some miserable girl, to have her pic taken with the card - such is the addictiveness of Clubflat! However she was having none of it and wouldn't even look at the camera. Well there's more than one way to skin a cat, see pic!


Vilamoura's harbour was full of boats owned by the rich & famous

Clubflat's ocean cruiser moored up & put the other boats to shame

"I know the boat trip we paid for was cheap, but that's just ridiculous"

Clubflat's very own Special K had his boat moored in Vilamoura

The catamaran didn't quite compare to the one we had in Mexico

No-one seemed to care that a passenger was steering the boat

The captain took his lucky charm with him on every sea voyage

Pirate Wolverand just realises his parrot is missing

Roy Schneider and the captain find the planted cards

Roy's really intrigued now, but still thinks we're selling something

Don't diss the Clubflat cards or you'll have them everywhere...

...including behind the bar

Fed up of finding the cards, boat-hand Roy snares Hero in a noose

Lucy and Deb sit innocently while the men behave like boys

Hero had decided to swim all the way to shore, then the damn

boat decided it was time to leave and sounded the horn

Hero struggles back to the boat


Don't be miserable all your life love

The captain was a sport

No photeo pleaseo

The euphoria of Clubflat was too great and Roy finally caves in

Roy then even tries to get the boat bird to hold the card

It was your huge baps we wanted a pic of anyway, not your face!

Hero's huge fart blew a hole in the rock